Three Ways to Appreciate Yourself When No One Else Seems To January 15, 2012
Posted by edgyangel in ontological coaching, Personal Observations.Tags: coaching, life coaching, mood, ontological coaching, self-care, self-help, tango
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I guess we all go though times when can sing the old childhood favorite:
Nobody likes me; everybody hates me. Guess I’ll go eat worms. Big fat juicy ones, (and so on.)
You probably know the feeling. It seems that no one gets how great you are and what you have to offer, or they don’t seem to respect you for the great skills and talents you bring. Notice I have chosen the word ‘seem’ because most of the time when we are feeling that way it’s because of an inner dialogue we are having with ourselves. The more we stew on it, the worse it gets and pretty soon our mood is in the ditch and we are in the land of victimhood—one of my personal favorites.(NOT)
What can you do when you find yourself hanging out in this desolate wasteland? Well, just for you I have come up with some tried and true remedies to get you through the night, the day, or the week. Any longer than a week and you’re in danger of adopting a new way of life…yuk!
So here goes:
#1 Make what others think of you ‘mildly interesting.’
If you base your happiness solely on what others think of you, you’re looking for love in all the wrong places. The person who needs to think highly of you is? (for $1000 and a trip to Belgravia) Yep, that’s right—you. Often we are tempted to take personally what others say and do—making it all about us and our shortcomings or lack of value. Try this interpretation—it is never about you. It’s always about them. People see the world through their set of values and experiences—what I refer to as their background of obviousness or BOO. So if they are judging you as falling short, it’s more about their own world than it is yours. So how about making the assessments of others about you, mildly interesting?
I had a coach who used to tell me that when I would whine about something. Mildly interesting means you don’t discount it since their opinions may contain a nugget for you. However it also means that while their opinions are interesting, they do not rock your world.
#2 Make a list of your accomplishments/talents
We all have a very silly tendency to dwell on what’s not right about us. When you think about that it’s kind of crazy really. We have about a million choices in how we think of ourselves –or at least two. We can either think we are great or we can think we’re lacking. Hmmm, let me see. Which one of those choices makes us feel the best? We’re great or we are the dregs of the earth…let me take a WAG (wild-ass guess) here. I think it feels better to think we’re ok, worthy, good, talented, etc.. Now if it makes you feel good to think you are totally worthless, well, ok. But you don’t need a coach—I’d shoot for a psychologist or psychiatrist or some psych…
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today about our tango milonga last night. He was commenting on the fact that he was much in demand as a partner. After that remark he said, “I hope I’m not being too big for my britches. (Being raised in Texas, that’s one of my favorite sayings.) My response was, “If you’ve got it, you may as well flaunt it.”
So take 5 or 10 minutes to sit down and write down the things that are good about you. No, not one word about what you need to improve. Bet you $10 you’ll feel better after doing it.
#3 Just Say NO
When I find myself going into the self-pity mode, or the I-am-an-unworthy- human-being place and I don’t feel like having a pity party, I just stomp my foot and say NO! You’d be surprised how much better this can make you feel. Especially the foot stomping part. Just make sure the little children are safely out of your way when you do it.
There’s something very empowering about deciding what mood you’re going to be in. And we all have the power to do that—if we choose.
I wouldn’t kid ya..
–Amara
What Makes You Happy? January 8, 2012
Posted by edgyangel in Self-Development, spirituality.Tags: a course in miracles, achieving happiness, self growth, self-care, spirituality
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Happiness—sometimes an illusive state, sometimes just present. I’ve been doing some thinking about joy and happiness. In fact I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about joy and the lack of it.
What’s the difference between joy and happiness?
Happiness and joy are often synonymous but there’s a distinction—at least for me. My definition of happiness is a general state of being that has us predisposed to be positive, hopeful and seeing possibilities for ourselves and those we care about. Joy, on the other hand, is that juicy rush we get when we are connected to something bigger than ourselves. Like I am happy that I finally know how to dance the tango (well, sort of) and I feel an amazing joy in connecting with a partner as we do the tango together.
That said, I’m not too het up about figuring out the distinction between the two. I just know that I really want happiness and joy in my life.
What do you do if you can’t find it?
So what are you to do if it just seems to be missing for you? Good question. Wish I had THE ANSWER but alas I’m sometimes awash in the world of blah or worry or teeth-grinding. But since I don’t like being cranky and unhappy I search for ways to alleviate the condition.
This past week I was having a conversation with some of my wonderful women friends. One of them posed the question: What makes you happy? We all took turns giving our answers to the question.
My own answers were:
- getting to spend time with my three grandchildren
- dancing the tango in impossibly high heels
- making a new quilt
- writing in my study (which I am doing right now)
- having a spa day
- taking a road trip with my boyfriend
We spent about half an hour in this conversation and by the end of it we were all mellow and grinning from ear-to-ear. Happy for no reason except that we had just spent time thinking about things that make us happy. And most of those things were not high-ticket items like trips to the Aegean or a new pair of Manolo Blahniks (though I wouldn’t say no to a pair if someone wanted to give them to me).
It is possible to get happy by focusing on that which makes us happy
So what I learned is that it’s possible to get happy by focusing on that which makes us happy and leaving behind (if only for a short time) that which annoys, saddens, angers or weighs us down. Imagine that. One can get happier by thinking about what makes her happy.
Happiness is an inside job
A Course in Miracles makes a point about this. And I am paraphrasing here. It says that if the source of your happiness is dependent on something outside of yourself like a new pair of shoes, whether you get asked out on a date, or if you look good in your new jeans, that happiness is transitory and will leave you. True happiness comes from within yourself, from that which feeds your soul or makes you feel like your best self.
Make a list…
What makes you happy? Why not engage in that conversation with a friend or write it down in a journal or on a chalkboard (started to say blackboard but I don’t think they exist anymore) or on the back of your hand? The point is to think about the good stuff as much or more as you think about the annoying stuff.
I don’t know..what d’ya think?
–Amara
An Approach to a New Year January 4, 2012
Posted by edgyangel in ontological coaching, Personal Observations.Tags: 2012, Frank J Kinslow, new year's, ontological coaching, self growth, self-development
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Wow—2012…or should I say the dreaded 2012…Supposed to be a significant year of change–or disasters, depending who you talk to. I was thinking about my intentions for the New Year the other day. It was New Year’s Day and I was cleaning out my refrigerator. Now that may seem like a mundane thing to be doing on a holiday but I thought it pretty symbolic. Think about it–getting rid of the rotten/spoiled stuff and starting over. Yes!
What you do on New Year’s Day…
There is a saying that whatever you do on New Year’s Day is what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year. As I thought about that I decided that while I don’t want to be cleaning out the refrigerator all year, there are some things associated with the activity that I wouldn’t mind carrying along through the year.
Try a little awareness
Cleaning out a fridge can be pretty mindless if you let it. But while I was doing it I started thinking about a book that I’m currently reading. It’s called The Secret of Instant Healing by Dr. Frank J. Kinslow. One of the points Dr. Kinslow makes about healing is that awareness is key to the process. He has some exercises in the book that have the reader start to become aware of awareness. So as I was scrubbing and rearranging, I began to practice awareness. Rather than thinking about tango steps or the next thing on my to-do list, I simply focused 100% of my attention on what I was doing. Dr. Kinslow (and many, many others) say that true awareness is where your higher consciousness/God resides.
So I tried staying exactly in the moment. I’d love to tell you that some miracle happened and maybe the fact that I actually enjoyed (for a moment or two) cleaning the fridge is indeed the miracle.
I wouldn’t mind being more aware
My point is that if that activity is a pre-cursor for what I want to produce and be in 2012, then I will be well-satisfied. If I can sit in awareness more of the time, I can produce more of the good stuff and less of the mindless, automatic pilot stuff that comes up when I check out.
I can really get into the question of who I’m being in the important and trivial moments of my life. Maybe I can even stop dwelling on my imperfections and become more in touch with what’s right about me.
Drop the awfulizing
How about you? Are you willing to be aware of and stay in the moment as you live your life? Can you give up awfulizing, fantasizing, moralizing and any other ‘izing’ that keeps you from realizing (another one—but good) your great potential? Yes, we all have great potential for something…
Your mission– should you choose to accept it
Here’s your assignment: For one week, choose to focus on the task or activity that you have decided to engage in. Don’t do it half-assed. If you’re brushing the dog, then brush the dog with awareness. If you’re listening to your friend’s tale of woe, then be in the moment with her, not just waiting to jump in with a nugget of wisdom. Who knows– you might discover something really amazing about your life.
–Amara
Lessons I Have Learned (That You May Profit From) December 4, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in Self-Development.add a comment
This post has been rolling
around in my head for a few weeks now. The last couple of months have been a time of great personal growth opportunities. (Read it has been a real pain in the ass and fraught with difficulties.) As I have mulled over my own reactions to the stuff that has been coming at me of late, I have tried to watch myself going through it so at least I can say I have gotten some good learnings out of the muck. I ‘m including a (short) list of various and sundry lessons I have learned in the hopes that you will glean some value from it without having to learn it the hard way. (It’s a long shot, I know, but read on anyway.)
#1 There is very little to be gained from playing in someone else’s hula hoop.
The hula hoop metaphor comes to me courtesy of the lovely Havi Brooks who has an amazing way with words. It refers to those times when you find yourself living someone else’s life instead of your own, better known as putting your nose into someone else’s business. Yes, I know it’s very tempting to try to help others when you see them in distress but that’s not what this is about. Case in point, when my awesome son is having a tough time in life, I seem to have a tough time in life. It’s made even worse by the understanding that I have very little power to change his life for him. I can offer my fabulous words of wisdom gained from 60+ years of enrollment in Earth School. But even though I am paid ‘the big bucks’ by others for my coaching, he fails to be impressed. So the lesson? Offer what I can and let the rest go. Is it easy? Heck no, (make that hell,no). But I have found that life gets easier and more joyful for me when I do — which is a good thing. You know the old saying: “If mamma ain’t happy then nobody’s happy.” Book it.
So what have you been doing lately that takes you into the spin of someone else’s hoop? Byron Katie, another of my favorite teachers, says that when you place yourself in someone else’s business (without an express invitation or maybe even with one) you are minding their business and/or God’s business. We’ve all enrolled in Earth School to fulfill a contract our soul has made. So sometimes we just have to be left to learn the lesson, fun or not. ‘Nuff said.
#2 That which you deny/condemn is somehow attracted to you.
It’s the darndest thing, isn’t it? When we criticize someone for doing something, next thing you know we’re doing the same thing. Or when we repeatedly beat the drum about an issue/problem we often manifest that thing into our lives. Example—I often fret about bad weather when I am traveling. I worry about it, I get cranky when it presents itself and otherwise put a whole lot of energy into the ‘bad weather’ story. And much of the time when I travel, the weather is an issue…hmmm, wonder where that comes from. On the other (more positive) hand, I always expect to have easy travel. And I am quite shocked when a SNAFU comes up for me. That’s because I put my thoughts/energy into experiencing easy effortless travel experiences. That part, I like.
This lesson has been magnificently demonstrated in the public arena by well known TV ministers who end up being found out doing things which they have publicly and repeatedly condemned as sinful. I’m not picking on television evangelists just using them as a marvelous demonstration of this phenomenon.
So the advice is to be very careful about your negative thoughts. Yes, of course we all have negative assessments—we’re human. But if you can let the negative stuff waft in and out like puffs of smoke, you’ll find the quality of your life experience will improve. Promise…. (ask me how I know)
#3 Posts that I’ve thought about for a while are invariably longer than they should be.
My word target is 500 and I am now over 700. Time to blow this popsicle stand. Rest assured, there will be a part 2 or 3 in the future. In the meantime, keep a cool head, a warm heart, and find joy in the moment ‘cause it’s always there if you look hard enough…
–Amara
Lessons from a Snow Storm November 13, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in Personal Observations, Self-Development.2 comments
A perfect storm hit the East Coast on October 29th. When I first heard that snow was expected in my area on that Saturday, I dismissed it. Snow this early would surely be a non-event. Another case of Jim Cantore getting hysterical about a weather event that would pass over. And then it started to snow… What I had not taken into consideration was that the snow was extremely wet and heavy and the leaves were still on the trees—a condition that would make for an extremely dangerous situation.
This was not your ordinary snow storm
The first hint that this was going to be an event to be reckoned with was when it started snowing early on Saturday morning. It had been predicted to start at 1 PM—uh-oh. And since the snow was extremely wet, it stuck to everything, including the still-leafy trees. And it kept on snowing. About noon I began to hear periodic cracking in the wooded area around my house. This continued all day. The tree limbs were breaking under the weight of the snow. It occurred to me then that I was going to lose power and I better get prepared. (Better never than late.) So I started to cook. And just as I got out the pots and the ingredients, the power went out—not to come back on for 3 days—and that was good. Many homes were out for almost an entire week.
Turns out that Berks County PA was the ‘epicenter’ for the storm in the Philadelphia/Lehigh region. And my beautifully wooded neighborhood was very hard-hit. As I observed the damage the next day, the word ‘war-zone’ came to mind.
A chance to learn a few more lessons
Those three days were quite difficult and certainly not without their lessons. And naturally I intend to capture some of those lessons in this post.
Lesson #1
So what did I learn? First—be prepared. Yes, I was a Girl Scout—but that was a long time ago. I have re-dedicated myself to that very worthy goal. Being without electricity for three and a half days meant that I virtually got nothing done. I spent my time trying to figure out how to eat warm food and how to stay warm in an unheated house. My son helped me out by lending me a kerosene heater which I finally got fired up about two hours before the power came back. The biggest concern was how to have a hot drink. I tried heating water on my grill and destroyed two of my pots in the process. And when I finally did get the water hot, it stayed warm about 10 minutes since my house was about 48 degrees—sometimes even up to 50.
I have since purchased a propane stove and a propane lantern. My next door neighbor who is an HVAC contractor has offered to hook up a gas heater for me so that I can have heat even without electricity. And if I lose power in the summer months—I’ll go outside, I guess.
Lesson #2
My second lesson was to renew my gratitude for things I often take for granted—like electricity. Life is ever so much easier when the power is on. And I reflect a bit on that each day.
And so on…
Another lesson I learned was to listen and be more sensitive to other people’s troubles. I think I’m pretty good at that already but after this experience I think I can be even better. What prompted this was some of the stupid things people (who had not lost electricity) said to me. When I was on the third day of outage with a promise of least more day ahead, someone said to me. “Oh, well, you only have to wait until tomorrow—that’s not too bad.” That’s what you think, Bub….
So I have resolved to listen more generously when others speak about their problems.
I have reflected before that we silly humans learn our lessons during Significant Emotional Events. Try as I might I have not managed to change that in my own life. So I guess I’ll just take the lessons where they come. You?
—Amara
Going Backward is Going Forward October 24, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in My Life as I See It, ontological coaching, Self-Development.add a comment
This is me walking backwards with my friend Roman. Photo taken by my friend Godwin
I have found in my 18+ years of studying that dance—especially partner dancing–is an excellent metaphor for life. So you have been duly warned—this post is about dancing (sort of) and how it relates to life. Specifically Argentine tango—my current dance love and passion.
When two people dance the tango together there is a leader and a follower. Happily, my teacher insists that we learn both parts to speed up our dance competence. However, I am primarily a follower as are most of the women I know. As a follower it is important to know how to walk backwards–and to do it well. How hard can that be you ask? Well, to do it properly can be very hard. You probably remember the comment about Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers: Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did only walking backwards and in high heels. And that’s the way it is in tango.
I spend time in my lesson each week learning how to walk backwards correctly. The leg must extend out with no hip movement. There must be no settling of the hips as one moves from side to side or to the front. The back must stay engaged in the process. Lori has an exercise called “The Magic Leg” and even though it sounds well,magical, I can assure you that the magic is sometimes hard to find. But when I’ve done three or four steps correctly I get a great feeling of accomplishment, as well as praise from Lori. Who’d have thought that walking backwards could be so demanding and yet so rewarding.
Now comes the life application bit… You may have noticed that the same type of situations keep coming up for you in your life. One of my coaching clients kept attracting men into her life that were either losers or who were not available to her in some way. (I know, this is a very unusual example) When she finally looked right in front of her to an ‘ex’ who was still on the fringes of her life, she found that going backwards was indeed a very good thing for her.
One of my friends has been the primary care-giver for her elderly mother for the past 6 years. She formerly had a very nice life and a good job in New York City. ‘Coming home’ to care for her mother could certainly look like going backwards. However, she spent much of that time asking her mother questions about her life and delving into the patterns of their family and the reasons for them. She recently said to me, “I learned more about myself and my world by sitting with an old lady in my childhood home than I could have learned by working ten years in New York City.” Hmmm, once again walking backwards may not be the problem it’s cracked up to be.
Let me qualify this by saying that if you are continually looking backwards by living in the past, blaming your upbringing for all of your problems, or refusing to be optimistic about your future—you are probably not moving forward. That said, sometimes we just have to be patient and learn from what has been placed in front of us.
What are your current ‘backwards’ challenges–the situations that you’d rather have a root canal than deal with? These are the situations that keep coming up for you with different players in different costumes but who are acting out the same roles. Things like the unfair boss, loser boy(or girl) friends, friends who abandon you or who just want to take rather than give—to name a few examples. We all have our own flavor of ‘issues.’
Well, maybe, just definitely, there is something that you can learn from the situation that keeps repeating itself in your life. I’ll go even further—if it keeps repeating itself you cannot go forward in that particular area until you have learned what it is about you that keeps inviting in the same circumstances.
So turn around, take a deep breath and start walking. Keep doing it till you learn something new…
–Amara
Belonging October 2, 2011
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I am sitting in a small bakery in an interesting neighborhood of Louisville Kentucky. The name of the bakery is Breadworks and the neighborhood is called The Highlands. I love the neighborhood because it is very eclectic. There are an interesting variety of businesses located on the main thoroughfare of the neighborhood—Bardstown Road. And the homes located in the neighborhood are a mix of styles and price points. Many of the homes date from the well-known Craftsman era of home-building in our country which began in the early 1900’s and continued into the 1930’s.That gives you an idea of the age of The Highlands. I love these old homes because many of them have graceful front porches which the owners have carefully furnished as an outdoor room.
The bakery is located on a street which is referred to as Douglass Loop—an area where the old streetcars used to turn around to go back into the heart of the city. (And the ‘Douglass’ comes from Frederick Douglass, the former slave and abolitionist who was a presence in the city.) I am always intrigued by the history of a place where I live or visit. I often feel as though I’m a part of that history by simply showing up there.
But probably the most interesting thing about the neighborhood is that it is a community. People here tend to shop in the neighborhood. The bakery that I am now sitting in is a small business but one that is a meeting place for people in the neighborhood. I have been here on weekends when a group of the locals holds court in one of the pews that serves as seating for several tables. And it seems that everyone who walks in the door knows everyone else. That said, I don’t feel unwelcome here—this is Kentucky after all.
Noticing the activity in the bakery got me thinking about community and its power to enrich lives. The town I live in is a nice place to live but the neighborhoods in my town are not so clearly defined. So you have to consciously search for community to feel a part of one. To me there is something cozy about being part of a community, whatever its makeup. We humans (for the most part) need to feel part of something bigger than ourselves.
Communities are made up of people who have something—or a lot of somethings in common. This begs the question of how you create community if you’re not part of one. Churches are an obvious place where strong communities exist. In my own life I have become part of a number of communities that fill my need to belong. My circle of friends in my tango community is very fulfilling to me. This community was created with great intention by Lori Coyle-Magen who runs Sangha Space in Media, PA. My book group which has been meeting monthly for six or seven years is also an important part of my life. We have consciously kept the number to 8 people and invite new members whom we believe share our goals and standards for reading.
I think that as long as human beings value and nurture community we will be ok. It’s when we forget that we are all human beings with the same needs and desires that things get out of kilter. Now more than ever it’s important to “Think globally, act locally.” And that’s why we need community.
I’d love to hear about your favorite communities…
–Amara
There’s a Reason For That September 25, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in My Life as I See It, Self-Development, spirituality.4 comments
Me looking relaxed and peaceful...
First of all, thanks to those of you who have emailed to see if I’m still alive and healthy. I am –just had a touch of the writer’s block this summer but I’ve decided to steam through it. Enough is too much!
A visit to Louisville
I arrived in Louisville KY yesterday to visit my ‘boyfriend’ (somehow boyfriend strikes me as a weird term after the age of 35—how about inamorato?) for a week. I was supposed to have arrived on Friday afternoon ,rather than Saturday afternoon, so I was about 24 hours late. There was a whole lotta rain going on in Philly where I flew from and also in Louisville where I was going. And for some strange reason, USAir simply cancelled the flight, with the next opportunity to fly out being Saturday morning at 6:30 am—way too early for any creature to have to get up considering that one has to be at least an hour early for a flight these days—an hour and a half to be safe. So I got to stay in an airport hotel and get up at 3:45 (I shudder to recall it) in order to catch the hotel shuttle to the airport.
And the story has a little more to it than that. When the shuttle driver came to pick me up so I could check into the hotel, he inadvertently locked his keys in the van. Picture the van idling in pouring -down rain, my bags on the ground next to the van, and other people waiting two stops down for the shuttle to pick them up. The driver used his ingenuity and before too long (about 15 minutes) we were on the road. The folks two stops down were unhappy—could not figure out why it should take so long at terminal B/C to pick up one person. I smiled enigmatically and kept my mouth shut and so did the driver.
And there’s more…
There are two more points to complete the saga, the first being that when the new flight was ready to take off for Charlotte (I’d had a non-stop originally), engines revving, crew in place, the pilot clicked on to tell us that the Charlotte airport had just been closed to incoming traffic because of fog–Holy Chicago! We finally took off a half hour later and I arrived safely in L-ville. The next little inconvenience happened when Larry’s car suddenly quit in the middle of a parking lot and refused to start up again. He thinks it’s the fuel pump.
So it’s been an interesting couple of days. And through it all I have totally shocked myself at how much equanimity I have been able to maintain. I’ve been smiling mildly at each new occurrence. And that’s about the extent of my reaction. If I wasn’t inside my own head I’d have probably thought I’d had a frontal lobotomy.
Practicing surrender
But no, this is me practicing surrender. I’ve just decided that it’s too painful to get all worked up about things I can’t change. I know there’s a lot to be said for venting and blowing off steam but that takes a lot of energy. I’ve been busy this last month and I want to conserve my energy.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason and so I spent some time trying to figure out who or what was blocking my graceful and easy entrance into Louisville. I got nowhere with that. So I’ve come to a conclusion about trying to figure out the purpose for everything that happens in life.
Asking why
Yes, I believe we are in ‘Earth School’ to learn life lessons that help us to grow spiritually and emotionally. And yes, I think it’s important to examine our lives to determine what we learn through our experiences. But sometimes you can just make yourself crazy with that. “Why did this happen?”, “Did I attract this disaster into my life?” “What lesson should I learn?” All good questions but there comes a time to just give it a rest. Yep, there is a reason,a lesson in most things, I guess. But what if it just happened because God burped, or the Universe felt like playing a prank, or for no good reason at all? Perhaps I just need to leave it alone and insights will come in a week, a month, or a year.
Give it a rest
So I’ve come to the conclusion that there are times to just take a rest from the self-imposed rigors of living your life. Do what you can do, with the tools you’ve got at hand and then just surrender…
Works for me….
—Amara
Ode to a Watermelon July 24, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in Personal Observations.Tags: birthday, comic relief, optimism, yellow watermelon
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Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me…My birthday was last Monday and I have been celebrating with various friends for the entire week. Here is a story that I shared with my friend and he convinced me that I should post it today. Fine, I wrote back, , but what’s the lesson? I need to make a point. We went back and forth. He suggested it might have had to do with ‘already listening.’ I thought maybe assessments would be appropriate or perhaps how to love yourself even with you are being a ditz.
Finally I settled on his first suggestion. Just share it because it’s hysterical. So I offer you this story as a bit of comic relief from the rigors of 100+ degree heat (if that applies where you are). And at the very least you can have a small chuckle. Here’s the story…
The Story
Yesterday in the continuing pageant that is my birthday week, my friend Mary took me to lunch. We had a lovely time and on the way home we decided to stop at one of the many produce stands along the way. We went in and one of the choices that we made was a large seedless watermelon with yellow fruit–a detail that may seem immaterial but which will add to the visual in a moment.
The produce store was located at the top of a gentle but rather long hill. I came out of the store into 100 degree heat which I can only think must have instantly fried my brain. I needed to open the back hatch of my car to place the vegetables into the car, however, my hands were full. For some reason only known to the angels above, I decided to place the watermelon on the ground behind the car while I opened the hatch. (You’re getting this, right?) I put the bags in and leaned down to grab the very round and somewhat heavy watermelon.
OMG, it was gone. I looked around only to find it rolling lazily down the aforementioned gentle but very long hill. And the damn thing had gotten a head start on me–and it was still 100+ degrees. I jogged after it but could not prevent its escape onto the very busy road beside the store. I watched as it rolled steadfastly into the right hand lane just at the exact moment that a car was coming by. And positioned itself just exactly under the front wheels of that car at the precise moment that would result in its demise. Splat! The watermelon was history and there were yellow watermelon guts spread all over the road. The people in the car turned their heads in unison to glare at me.
What are the odds?
Yes, I was the one who was consumed with the giggles at the whole ridiculous situation. Now if I had wanted to roll a damn watermelon down a hill and have a car hit it and split it wide open, what are the chances that I would have succeeded?
Went in and bought another one and it’s amazingly good–maybe the first one was poison or something. And Mary and I laughed all the way home.
–Amara
Plant a Daffodil July 17, 2011
Posted by edgyangel in Personal Observations, Self-Development.Tags: intention, ontological coaching, self-improvement
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I came across a story called The Daffodil Principle written by Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards. I don’t know if it’ s a true story but it really doesn’t matter because the meaning of the story is so wonderful.
The story is told by a narrator who goes to visit her daughter who then takes her to look at the property of a woman who has transformed her plot of land by planting 50,000 daffodil bulbs over many years. The result was an amazing display of blooms which transfixed and inspirited the people who saw it. For the entire story (which is quite short) follow this link: Daffodil Principle
The main character says
When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.
Small actions can have a big effect
This story resonated with me because I believe that even small actions on our part can change the world in unimaginable and significant ways. One of the guiding principles for me as I coach others is the belief that I am changing the world one conversation at a time.
Before you start poo-pooing (gosh, wonder if I spelled that right) that notion, sit for a moment and think of the times that someone has pointed out to you something that you said or did that had a profound effect on how they viewed the world or what they chose to do. You know you’ve heard that. And you’ve more than likely only heard a tiny number of the examples that others could come up with.
Here are some examples from my own little world.
- My friend Jane, who loves to sew, is extraordinarily generous in teaching and working with others who would like to better their skills
- Annie, my massage therapist, has taught me how to be ‘in my body’ and thus more in touch with how things are with me by using my body as an emotional guidance system.
- My granddaughter has inspired me to be a stronger woman by her own observations about who she is as she starts the journey to adulthood
Are you aware of who you’re being?
I could go on and on, and so could you. How do you feel when you think that your own actions and words are changing the world? Good? Or a little nervous? If you have a nagging feeling that you may not always be changing the world in the way that you’d like, maybe it’s time to put a little intention behind that.
What kind of impact would you like to have?
Put your thinking cap on…What intention would you like to live into? Maybe it’s demonstrating more kindness than necessary, maybe it’s showing self-reliance or devotion to family. Maybe it’s keeping your lawn in impeccable condition. Whatever it is, know that simply by a little consciousness to your intention, some energy and a few actions behind it, you will have an impact on someone in your world,
How’s that feel?
–Amara
