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They Say It’s Your Birthday… July 18, 2013

Posted by Ann Bertorelli in My Life as I See It, Self-Development.
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1348_687167021310513_1966544250_nToday is my birthday! Usually I just quietly observe the day and let it pass. But with Facebook in my life, I get a million birthday wishes. Wow…who’d have thought? And I actually kinda like it.

Today’s a 22 master number day

I also found by reading the blog of my favorite astrologer of the moment that today is one of the eleven ‘22 master number days’ of 2013. As near as I can figure out these are supposed to be days of increased energy and days to move forward with your plans by taking action and getting things going.

A Rampage of Window Washing

I must say, this has been a pretty high energy day for me. And what have I done? Wait for it….I’ve been washing windows. In fact, I’ve gone on a window washing rampage. .Go figure. It has just suddenly become very important to me to have a clear view out of my windows. I even raided my next door neighbors’’ recycling for their old newspapers. These are great for washing windows—just in case you’re getting the urge to wash yours.

A Metaphor for seeing clearly

I think the last time I washed windows was about 3 years ago. Why wash them when it just rains and gets them dirty again? But something is different for me now. I think it’s probably a good metaphor for seeing clearly about what’s going on in my life, what I’d like to achieve and how I’d like to live the next phase of my life.

So now that my windows are washed, I’m taking care of other things that seem to be productive actions toward some goals I’ve set for myself. I’m even doing this blog post, this on the heels of having posted a mere three days ago.

Use these days to your advantage

I think these high energy days when they come (and who knows when they will appear) are wonderful opportunities to get some important things accomplished and more importantly to feel good about what you’ve done.

So don’t waste the 22 master number day…go for it! The next one is July 27th and the one after that is August 8. If you’d like to see the entire list, you probably will need to sign up for Elizabeth Peru’s newsletter. You can try this link Elizabeth Peru to find the other 22 master number days for the year.

Now I’m going to eat cake…

 

OH,PS If you haven’t visited my new web site yet, get the heck over there. I’m working on some cool new coaching offerings to be rolled out as soon as I can get them done. You don’t want to miss them, do you? Well, get on my mailing list and you’ll be the first to know.

www.lifecoachingwithspirit.com

Be there or be square…

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The More Real You Get… July 15, 2013

Posted by Ann Bertorelli in Uncategorized.
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As you have probably figured out by now, the focus of my coaching is on relationships. Relationships with others, the relationship with yourself. I believe that it’s wise and productive to be intentional about what you want to create in your relationships. And I like to practice what I preach.

Suffering fools

Today I did something that I don’t often do. I did not hold my tongue but pretty much said what I was thinking and what’s more I did not apologize for it. (Now before those of you who have coached with me think that I have suddenly had a frontal lobotomy—let me specify that I am talking about a family relationship here, not a coaching one. In coaching another, I mostly (but now always, say exactly what I’m thinking).

But today, I had just had enough of the dynamics of this particular relationship. It’s one that I have been tiptoeing around for a long time—doing my best to keep it on an even keel, trying hard not to rock the boat. Forgiving and trying to see the bright side of the person’s actions and personality. But today—today, my last nerve was stomped on and I just spoke my truth without prettying it up.

Usually when I do this I feel bad about it later and think that perhaps I could have been a better, more loving person, etc, etc. Today, I gave up that story and just stepped right in it because I felt the situation called for it. The other person termed me rude and if that was the way I came across then so be it.

Your relationship with yourself is important

One’s relationship with oneself is every bit as important as those we have with others. To keep on keeping your mouth shut in the face of what you view as injustice, lack of ethics and moral standards, or whatever else gets you torqued up, can be detrimental to your health and well-being.

About 10 years ago, I was in a relationship with a person that I really cared about and one which I wanted to continue. However, his actions befuddled and hurt me. I spent about two months not addressing it and lo and behold, I found that my jaw began to hurt constantly—I mean really hurt. It was all that biting back of my words that did it. Once I noticed that, I put an immediate end to the situation.

The first relationship to work on is the one you have with yourself. To keep denying that which is your truth can be very destructive and unhealthy in the long run. Sometimes standing in your own power and being okay with who and what you are is the hardest, yet most self-affirming thing you can do for yourself.

Know who and what you are

Once you’re comfortable with who you are and what makes sense to you in the world, you are better able to get on with the business of having relationships with others. In order to keep your own identity in any relationship, it’s helpful to know what you bring to the table: the good, the bad and/or the ugly. From there you can do your work on yourself and be a solid participant in any relationship you choose to pursue—family, friends, business colleagues, lovers.

I’m feeling pretty good, in spite of having an unpleasant exchange with someone else. Do you have a situation or two that needs to be addressed with some candor? Are there some eggshells you need to stomp on? Maybe it’s time to be who you want to be.

Sign up for a free strategy session

If you’d like to coach with me, visit www.lifecoachingwithspirit.com and sign up for a strategy session. Or email me at ann@lifecoachingwithspirit.com.

Small Things Can Make a Difference June 16, 2013

Posted by Ann Bertorelli in Self-Development.
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baseball by theseanster93

Last week I attended a baseball game for out local team. It was a great night out for our family filled with all the stuff that says hometown and wholesome family activities. And to finish the night off, there were fireworks—what else?

The Monkee Swing

While I was watching the game I found myself watching the people more than the game, especially since the Fightin’ Phils couldn’t buy a run: they lost 6-0. Every so often a guy in a team sweat shirt would position himself at the bottom of the bleachers where we were sitting. Without a word, he would begin to do a double-arm motion that I had seen lots of people doing at the park. It looks a little like the Monkees used to do—if you remember back that far. After a few minutes of this action, most people in the bleachers were following suit and pretty soon most of the crowd was involved. The guy was totally serious about this –really into it. And he didn’t seem to care whether anyone else did it or not. He was doing his thing.

I did a little questioning of some die-hard fans and they told me his story. It seems this guy is a passionate fan of the Phils and would come to every game, seat himself wherever, and do his arm swings. Pretty soon it caught on and the rest is history.

Stepping Into Your Passion

As I thought about the guy and his impact, it occurred to me that each one of us can have a huge impact on those around us—sometimes without being aware of it. The guy at the stadium is an ordinary guy whose passion is baseball. He simply stepped into his passion and through that made a difference in the world around him.

As a coach, I have often been brought to tears when some of my clients repeat back to me things I have said to them that helped them to change their lives. And sometimes it’s month or years later that they tell me. At the time I was just doing what I love—listening and engaging with the stories of others with the intention of helping them to be the best they can.

What Do You Love?

How about you? What is it that you have a passion for? Whatever it is, don’t tamp it down. Why not just do it simply because you really like to? Guaranteed that whatever it is, you’ll inspire others in some way by your own light. And even if you don’t, you’ll be having fun…

New Website

Like to find out more about my coaching offerings? Visit my new website: www.lifecoachingwithspirit.com and sign up for my mailing list. You can get a free coaching video if you sign up the first time you visit.

Three Ways to Appreciate Yourself When No One Else Seems To January 15, 2012

Posted by Ann Bertorelli in ontological coaching, Personal Observations.
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  takanomebynomadiclass.cc

I guess we all go though times when can sing the old childhood favorite:

Nobody likes me; everybody hates me. Guess I’ll go eat worms. Big fat juicy ones, (and so on.)

You probably know the feeling. It seems that no one gets how great you are and what you have to offer, or they don’t seem to respect you for the great skills and talents you bring. Notice I have chosen the word ‘seem’ because most of the time when we are feeling that way it’s because of an inner dialogue we are having with ourselves. The more we stew on it, the worse it gets and pretty soon our mood is in the ditch and we are in the land of victimhood—one of my personal favorites.(NOT)

What can you do when you find yourself hanging out in this desolate wasteland? Well, just for you I have come up with some tried and true remedies to get you through the night, the day, or the week. Any longer than a week and you’re in danger of adopting a new way of life…yuk!

So here goes:

#1  Make what others think of you ‘mildly interesting.’

If you base your happiness solely on what others think of you, you’re looking for love in all the wrong places. The person who needs to think highly of you is? (for $1000 and a trip to Belgravia) Yep, that’s right—you. Often we are tempted to take personally what others say and do—making it all about us and our shortcomings or lack of value. Try this interpretation—it is never about you. It’s always about them. People see the world through their set of values and experiences—what I refer to as their background of obviousness or BOO. So if they are judging you as falling short, it’s more about their own world than it is yours. So how about making the assessments of others about you, mildly interesting?

I had a coach who used to tell me that when I would whine about something. Mildly interesting means you don’t discount it since their opinions may contain a nugget for you. However it also means that while their opinions are interesting, they do not rock your world.

#2  Make a list of your accomplishments/talents

We all have a very silly tendency to dwell on what’s not right about us. When you think about that it’s kind of crazy really. We have about a million choices in how we think of ourselves –or at least two. We can either think we are great or we can think we’re lacking. Hmmm, let me see. Which one of those choices makes us feel the best? We’re great or we are the dregs of the earth…let me take a WAG (wild-ass guess) here. I think it feels better to think we’re ok, worthy, good, talented, etc.. Now if it makes you feel good to think you are totally worthless, well, ok. But you don’t need a coach—I’d shoot for a psychologist or psychiatrist or some psych…

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today about our tango milonga last night. He was commenting on the fact that he was much in demand as a partner. After that remark he said, “I hope I’m not being too big for my britches. (Being raised in Texas, that’s one of my favorite sayings.) My response was, “If you’ve got it, you may as well flaunt it.”

So take 5 or 10 minutes to sit down and write down the things that are good about you. No, not one word about what you need to improve. Bet you $10 you’ll feel better after doing it.

#3 Just Say NO

When I find myself going into the self-pity mode, or the I-am-an-unworthy- human-being place and I don’t feel like having a pity party, I just stomp my foot and say NO! You’d be surprised how much better this can make you feel. Especially the foot stomping part. Just make sure the little children are safely out of your way when you do it.

There’s something very empowering about deciding what mood you’re going to be in. And we all have the power to do that—if we choose.

I wouldn’t kid ya..

–Amara

Why We Do Things That Don’t Make Us Happy—Part 3 April 11, 2010

Posted by Ann Bertorelli in ontological coaching, Uncategorized.
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Avoir que de la gueule by Tywak OK. It’s Sunday morning, time to write one more installment about why we do things that don’t make us happy. I think this is the final part of this homily but it’s not written yet so anything can happen.

As you probably remember I embarked on this topic at the request of a friend. Thought it would be a simple and short post of some of that wisdom(it’s my blog and I can call it that) that rattles around in my head. However, I kept having more thoughts about the topic. So here’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Dharma? What’s that?

Human beings are most happy when they are fulfilling their purpose—sometimes known as living their passion. The Hindus have a word that describes this: dharma. Dharma is defined as the natural universal laws whose observance enables humans to be contented and happy. Anything that helps humans reach God is considered to be dharmic. There’s a lot more to it and if you’d like to dip into it, start by going to Wiki entry at http://hinduism.about.com/od/basics/a/dharma.htm.

However, for my purposes here, I’ll just keep it simple. Your dharma is what you have a passion for and when you are doing this thing, you are content and happy and being of service to the world.

My dharma is….

As always, I have an example. As I have mentioned I am an executive and personal coach. Coaching is definitely my dharma. I am passionate about helping other people to lead more fulfilling lives. I am committed to doing this, one conversation at a time. How do I know that coaching is my dharma? Cause it’s fun—about 98% of the time. I can listen to minute details of my clients’ lives endlessly, without getting bored. I, who am not the most patient person on the planet, can be patient with the foibles that cause others to create what they don’t want in their lives. That is,as long as they are committed to changing it. If they just want to whine, they need to find a different coach—hence the name Edgyangel. Edginess is good in the right balance.

So I am fortunate to have found my dharma and even more fortunate to get paid for doing it.

What’s your dharma?

What is your dharma? What things in your life are you passionate about? Here are some examples taken from my friends, family, and clients.

  • raising children
  • employing and teaching others about the curative powers of essential oils
  • styling hair
  • doing accounting work (my accountant actually gets a real charge out of her spread sheets—and I thank God for her every year at this time.)
  • snowboarding
  • sewing clothing
  • writing blog posts 🙂

An interesting list, is it not? It illustrates that your dharma can be found anywhere and doesn’t have to be of the magnitude of say, Mother Theresa or Barack Obama. The important (and sometimes tricky) thing is to figure out what it is. But once you do, and you start consciously living into that dharma, you can’t help but find happiness.

What lights you up?

So, if you are feeling less than satisfied with the current state of your life, start figuring out what your passion is. There are tons of books written on the topic. But start looking at the things in your life that light you up. That’s a great place to start. And don’t give up till you find it—unless of course you want to keep doing those things that don’t make you happy.

I’ll end with a quote from the amazing poet, Hafiz.

“Ever since happiness heard your name it’s been running through the streets trying to find you.”

Just so…

Amara